Melodies of My Life

What do I think when asked to write about the word Melody? The first thought that always comes to mind surrounds my suicide attempt in 1997. After leaving the hospital and starting my recovery, I decided that it was not to be a secret because the more suicide and depression are discussed, the more people will start to understand the disease. I told all of my closest friends and for the most part, they were supportive.

Melody had the most unforgettable response to the news. She said, “Why would you do that? You do not have problems. If anyone should try suicide it is me. I just got married and had a baby, I am the one with stress.” I distanced myself for her and needless to say, the friendship eventually ended. Not through trying, but my life shifted and one day, she was not longer in it. Depression and suicide attempts are so far in my rear view mirror now but I will never forget Melody.

Melody’s response will always remind me that there are people who will never see depression and attempted suicide as not being a conscious choice that one makes but a disease that takes full control and the fight to avoid it sometimes becomes so unbearable that the victim feels there is no other way than to let it win.

Melody. A friend from my grade school days. I cannot remember her last name but when I think of the word Melody, she is the second thing that comes to mind. She was a quiet, gentle girl who was very easy to get along with and I remember her fondly.  I used to envy people like Melody because I am the opposite. I speak my mind, have a very expressive face, and no one considers me quiet. Once, during my grade school years, I decided to try and be quiet and sweet. At that early age, I quickly realized that is not who I am and I returned to my authentic self, which is fine. I like myself as I am and I have lots of people in my life to provide validation if needed.

Hmmmm, now I am wondering if I should have simply written about how soothing melodies are when I listen to music before I fall asleep or how, every now and then, I actually want to remain on hold because a tune that I love and have not heard in a long time is playing.

Did I travel the wrong path with this post???? Melody. Who knew it could go so deep.


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